


kuo‧le‧ma‧ton (immortal)

by lets_winwin



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: #Day3, #DowooWeek2019, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Doyoung Lives Forever, Immortality, M/M, Major character death - Freeform, References to Drugs, Sad Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-06
Updated: 2019-02-06
Packaged: 2019-10-23 08:09:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17679653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lets_winwin/pseuds/lets_winwin
Summary: Doyoung will live, just to die.





	kuo‧le‧ma‧ton (immortal)

**Author's Note:**

> [ Day 3 of #DowooWeek2019 ]
> 
> [ check the twitter account @DOWOOweek for more updates! ]

Doyoung remembers Taeyong, but only barely anymore. The other passed away years ago, when Doyoung still lived in the previous century.

He was Doyoung's first and the other really loved the smiling sunshine more than anything. But Doyoung knew from the very beginning that their love story wouldn't be made to last. It would die when Taeyong did.  
Even though long, forty years by Taeyong's side seemed too short to him. Time always moved the fastest when you wanted it to slow down. And Doyoung couldn't top time, or take away the curse that was laid onto him when he turned twenty. Doyoung was cursed to live forever in a undying body, and there was no one else like him who to spend this everlasting life with. But Doyoung couldn't stay alone either. Though cursed, his humanly body still wished for a partner and someone to hold onto through the good and bad.

But perhaps enough was enough. There was only a set amount that the heart could handle, and Doyoung was pretty sure that he was getting near to that set end. No one should be able to breath and live after going through all this heartbreak that he has.

There was Taeyong, his dear Taeyong who he promised to stay with forever. It did last for Taeyong's lifetime, but Doyoung's never ended and never will. Years, centuries passed and he still sometimes thinks of the young boy he first saw in the old farm that they spent years building together into a home. Doyoung visited the place once, and was sad to see that it was still there. It reminded him too much of the other and what they once had.

Sichen was used as a bandage to try and heal the pain that Taeyong left in his chest, but even the boy with the healing smile couldn't do miracles.

Doyoung has tried many things during his never ending life. He has worked many jobs, went to schools and traveled the world. He has done drugs, tried to kill himself and fought many people. He has seen the ugly and the beautiful, and Sichen took the prize for both of those categories. That boy showed Doyoung the world and what it had to offer. He showed Doyoung that it was alright to feel something for once, even if it was pain. And he never felt bigger pain when he found the other overdosed on their shared apartments floor one monday evening.

Even though having this horrible experience Doyoung couldn't remove himself from the scene that he had been brought to by Sichen. Perhaps that was also because he was addicted to the way the good stuff would make him feel when unknown men let him share their needless and offer a few pills from their almost empty pockets. Doyoung wanted to say it was because of the fact that he missed Sichen and the place he spent most time in, but Doyoung had lost it. And he wouldn't be able to get out of this cycle for many more years to come.  
Ten was making it too hard to leave.

Doyoung wanted to leave the city with Ten, but it was hard when you were both in so deep. Years and years worth of drug usage and dealing left you with no other choice but to let it ruin your life. Doyoung had already seen what the outcome of this would be, but he still somehow couldn't leave Ten's side. It was almost like watching a train wreck happen before your eyes. You know what the ending will look like and you wont like it, but you just cannot look away. Doyoung watched again as his loved one withered away right under his gaze.

Years and years went by, others aging and dying. Doyoung stood still and watched it all happen. He wouldn't say anything, cry or act when the already predictable news were told. Doyoung lost another one, and this time he let it happen without doing anything.

But what was there really do be done anyways. Everyone would die in the end no matter what. What would it matter if Ten or Sichen would have lived a few years longer, when they will die in the end still. Well, perhaps they could have met someone better than Doyoung.

Doyoung sometimes feels bad for staying. He could always just leave and let them find someone better. But he is too selfish to do so. Doyoung falls in love deep and cannot help himself, but that doesn't mean that he cannot feel the guilt. That is sometimes the only thing he can feel.

He feels guilty for letting Taeyong settle for someone like him. Taeyong deserved the world. A partner who he could have grown old together with. Doyoung couldn't give him that, and it hurt.

Sichen and Ten deserved someone who cared about the human life. Doyoung had lost that years ago, when he realized how tiny and unimportant human lives really were. There were so many of them, dying and being born every second. No one was more important than someone else, as everyone was just a dull spec of dust. You would be forgotten eventually.

Having moved from place to place, from a country to another, Doyoung had seen it all. He has been in love and felt the feeling of being loved back. He knows the amazing feeling of holding someone's hand and whispering into someone's ear, forgetting his past for a moment.

Yuta taught him that. The young goofy kid taught Doyoung how to live in the moment. Yuta wouldn't be there forever like Doyoung, but that was alright. For the first time, Doyoung parted ways with someone who he loved before it was near the end.

He and Yuta only spent a few years together, but those few years were enough to teach Doyoung some things. Those few years were enough to make the other crave for more.

Yuta would be alive, but not together with Doyoung. The idea was new and odd sounding in Doyoung's head. He hated the thought of thinking about Yuta in a few years, knowing that he is still out there somewhere but not with him.

This was what Doyoung had wished that Taeyong would have done with his life before, but it somehow felt just as bad to Doyoung. Only thing that was different was that he could have a clean conscience about this. But did that really matter when you felt so much regret?

Doyoung sometimes regretted not staying with Yuta. But he needed to realize something. He wasn't good company. Saying it out loud felt wrong, but it was true. Doyoung brought death along with him wherever he went. Yuta was a survivor.

Years went by. Doyoung learned that the other had married and had children. More time passes and Doyoung hear the news of his funeral. Time truly moved fast when it didn't affect you.

Doyoung seemed to have finally realized this. He began living life on the edge, but without the drugs and alcohol. He had enough of those already for one eternity.

Doyoung began to spend more time together with people again, after forcing himself to stay alone after what happened before. He believed that he should stay alone so that he wouldn't hurt anyone else anymore. He thought fuck it one evening and lit a cigarette as he walked along the cold streets.

Doyoung didn't really know what to call himself anymore. He didn't think of himself as a human any longer, but the thought of being some demon didn't fit him either. According to himself at least.  
'Perhaps you are an angel instead?' The drunken slurred words against his neck felt dirty, but also so good when you were feeling a tiny bit tipsy.

Doyoung hardly ever told people about his odd skill of being unable to age, but this night was a exception for some reason. Johnny just had that something in him that made people trust him.

Johnny was a dork, hard worker and to Doyoung- a time waster. He has spent the short twenty-something years of his life studying and working. Perhaps the other cannot realize it, but Doyoung knows just how wasteful it is. He won't live for long, so why waste your time doing something so boring?

Johnny laughed. 'You just don't understand it anymore, now that ten years seem so little to you.' Doyoung stayed still, feeling Johnny's delicate lips hover over his skin. 'To me, it seems like an eternity.'

Johnny was correct. To him, ten years seemed to go by so fast. Time didn't really have a meaning to him anymore at this point. He mostly just chose not to think about it too much, as it gave him a headache.

Hundreds of years, he has spent in his never dying body, not aging but staying the same. His mind has changed, yes, but nothing else.

When Doyoung looked at Johnny, he saw innocent youth, playfulness hope and a clear future. He hadn't seen someone like that in years, and Doyoung felt like he didn't deserve to be near the other. He would just end up ruining him like he did every other person he ever met.

Doyoung left his side surprisingly easy, but never had he felt so changed by a human that he met.

Doyoung began to wonder when was the time that he decided to start call everyone else human, and himself as something else.  
'You're thinking about it again, aren't you?'

Doyoung stayed quiet, looking outside of the small window, feeling how his hand was grasped by the other. Doyoung squeezed the weak, cold hand in his own. He felt a small tug on the edge of his lips.  
'Maybe i am.' He then smiled, turning to the other.

Jungwoo sighed, the expression looking bad on his already sickly face. Doyoung didn't like seeing him upset, which was a thing he had to see almost everyday now.

Jungwoo said nothing for now, instead he played with the long fingers that he was holding onto. His fingers danced over the small scars and marks that were left on Doyoung’s skin from years ago, feeling them and thinking about the story behind them. Doyoung himself couldn't ever remember where all of those came from.

'You should leave.' Jungwoo then spoke, the words coming out as a mere whisper.

Doyoung blinked and stayed quiet for a moment. 'If you'd like that, then of course.' Doyoung spoke, giving Jungwoo's hand one more squeeze before getting up from the hospital bed. 'I'll come back later. Do you want something from the-'

'Doyoung.' Jungwoo interrupted him quickly, eyes closed and face set in a expression that was hard to read. It almost looked like he was in pain, Doyoung didn't like to see that.  
He sighed, opening his red tired eyes. 'I meant, you should leave, for good.'  
'Oh.'  
Doyoung knew that the young boy would be trouble. He promised himself not to redo mistakes again, but he just couldn't help himself. Jungwoo was curious, and Doyoung was an idiot. They fell in hard.

Jungwoo was only eighteen when they met. Doyoung thought it was wrong, since he had the body of a twenty year old, but also the mind of someone who had lived for more than you could ever imagine. Jungwoo didn't seem to mind though, and Doyoung didn't have the heart to stop what they had going on.

Jungwoo understood him, and he didn't mind the inevitable end to their relationship at some point. Doyoung just thought he had a heart that was too sweet and naive. He didn't think that Jungwoo would be able to handle the heartbreak that was about to come someday when being with someone like Doyoung.

But somehow the tables turned.

'You're thinking about it again.' Jungwoo no longer even had to ask, because he knew the answer. Doyoung hummed back.

'Yeah.' He would sigh and hold onto the once bigger frame of Jungwoo against his own. He was now smaller, weaker and tinier. Doyoung didn't like it.

'You know it's not possible, so stop worrying about it too much.' Jungwoo would murmur against his neck, his voice sounding raspy and odd. It wasn't the Jungwoo that Doyoung remembers from a few years back. Or was it even ten years?

Doyoung never remembered their anniversary, but Jungwoo didn't mind. They never celebrated birthdays either, as Doyoung didn't even know his own anymore.

In reality, what felt like only a few years to Doyoung- had been almost fifteen years to Jungwoo.

He wasn't an eighteen year old kid anymore, but a man who used to tower over Doyoung easily a few months ago. Perhaps he still could do that if he were able to stand up from his bedridden state. But he was too weak to even try.

The change of things happened very quickly to Jungwoo, but Doyoung saw them in a whole new light. The cancer was slowly eating him alive, and he couldn't do anything to make it better, go away or to stop it for even a minute.

Doyoung wanted to give away his future years to Jungwoo. He wanted to give his curse away just to save him, but he couldn't. Both of them knew that very well. That still didn't stop Doyoung from trying to come up with something.

Doyoung had seen this deja vu happen in front of his eyes before. It happened when Taeyong died of old age, Sichen and Ten because of their lifestyle and now to Jungwoo. Yuta and Johnny made it free from him, and met with the end of their lives in a different matter. Doyoung wonders what it would have been like staying by their side if he had not left like he did.

Now he gets to feel it again, as he will see the death of another one that he loved.

Things were much different now than they were back in the day when Doyoung had Taeyong. Taeyong died in the comfort of his own home, just with Doyoung and their dog by his company. Doyoung would carry out his wish and bury him by himself on the backyard of their farm. That was then, but this was now.

Jungwoo would die in a stupidly white hospital room, with machines beeping and doing nothing to slow down the inevitable. He wouldn't even get to have their cat in the same room as him, as it was forbidden. Like a cat scratch could make the situation any worse on him. Doyoung hated that Jungwoo had to go like this, and he did too. That was why he asked Doyoung to what he had been thinking about for quite a while already.

He wouldn't have much time left in him anymore, so he wanted to spend the rest of his eternity with Doyoung in a more comfortable fashion.

Doyoung was honored to add the task of stealing a patient from a hospital, and add it to his personal list of 'crimes i have committed over the years'.

Doyoung is standing there, looking over at the old worn out stone grave. The flowers have withered and turned into black by now. It is no wonder, as no one else visits him anymore except for Doyoung. Jungwoo hasn't had any relatives left on this earth for centuries now, Doyoung being the only one to pay a visit even after all these years.

He could never leave visiting the old grave from his daily walking route through the city. He was sure to always bring matches with him to light the candle for him over the night. The other would never admit it, but he was afraid of the dark. And Doyoung hated to leave him alone.

Jungwoo had a short life on this earth, just like Ten and Sichen did. They spent their short lives next to Doyoung, who only shared a small moment together with them. But that small time together was enough to leave a memory in his heart.

Taeyong's grave had been taken down years ago, and so was the farm that they used to call home. Yuta's children had grown old and passed way, leaving behind others to carry on his dna. Johnny was a mystery, and Doyoung liked to keep it that way for now. He loved the other for leaving without making a fuss even after he knew all about Doyoung's past. Doyoung hopes he lived a good life without him. He would have wished the same for everyone else.  
Perhaps someday Doyoung will be able to join them in the after life, perhaps not. Maybe he will meet more like the six of them in the future and create more memories together. Perhaps he has had enough heart break for a while.

Jungwoo got to pass away in a warm fashion like Taeyong did. He took his last breaths in Doyoung's arms when they looked at the sun before their eyes on the cold winter beach that they used to walk down together in the summer. To Doyoung, it didn't seem like the best way to go, but to Jungwoo it was all he could wish for.  
Being next to his loved one while looking over the familiar scene that he shared with that said loved one. Maybe Doyoung could never understand, after never having to picture his of death. Could he too spent it with a loved one?

Perhaps there was indeed a set time for him as well. Maybe the curse only lasted for a set time, and then he would began to age as well, just like before. What would he do then?  
Could he find it in himself to go and find someone else to love again, or would he wait eagerly for the clock to stop ticking already. He would finally be free from his prison of a body that he hasn't been able to escape for years.

This body has given him immortality, that has made him see wars and destruction. He has seen the mistakes that the human race could make and the amazing inventions. But most importantly, he experienced love and death.

He loved Taeyong.

He loved Sichen.

He loved Ten.

He loved Yuta.

He loved Johnny.

And he loved Jungwoo.

He was sad to see them leave him so soon.

But time was a mystery to Doyoung. He never knew what tomorrow would bring along. Perhaps he could be dead tomorrow when he opens his eyes, the curse being lifted off like a miracle. Most likely, he would just wake up like any other morning and live through another day like it was nothing. Because at the end of the day, it really didn't seem like a big deal. He has lived through a year, a decade before and he will do it again if it means getting closer to meeting with his loved ones again.

Doyoung will live, just to die.

**Author's Note:**

> [ this is an old reupload of mine, that came from my old account @mimnen that is now abandoned, but the original fic is still up but it was for a different fandom. but i really love this story, even though it is very sad, so i decided to recycle it... hopefully that doesn't upset anyone. ]
> 
> [ my own twitter is @mimmelil, comments would be lovely! ]


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